A really long time ago, almost 30 years now, someone I didn’t know well compared me to a bird. It was a signature in a yearbook from an acquaintance that felt sincere and was completely unexpected.

Darzee was the little bird who warned Rikki Tikki Tavi the mongoose that Naga the evil female cobra was behind and ready to strike. You always reminded me of a bird, Darcie. You seem as if you thought hard enough, you could raise your wings and fly.

*some spellings corrected from the original scribbles

Of course now looking up Darzee, it’s not a total compliment to be compared to him. He’s a “feather-brained little fellow who could never hold more than one idea at a time in his head.” He’s not the courageous or practical one, his wife is. But he sees the positive and is optimistic. I can see that in myself.

And he’s male and I’m not. But, he’s a bird. And a bird was the point of the comment, right? The name was just a bird that had a similar name to mine. There aren’t a lot of Darcys (Darcie/Darcey/Darzee) in literature unless it’s a Mr. (Glaring at you here, Mr. Darcy.) Look, what matters is the determination of flying and being free.

I’m sure other people have said nice things or given me compliments, but I like this one. This one has stuck. Someone I didn’t really know saw this in me when I have a hard time seeing it in myself most days. But it’s what I’d want to be.

I love the idea of being a bird. Honestly, I could be a cat too; I go back and forth between the two but bird usually wins. Curl up really well and be cozy and sleep in a sunny spot and jump high, or fly? Flying usually wins.

Did I see myself as that bird at 17, or even now at 47? Almost never. I’m pretty tied down and grounded. I am optimistic, but sometimes the optimism is squashed by reality. I’m not sure if I’m determined enough most days to try hard enough to defy the gravity pulling me. But I’d like to be.

Compliments can often be superficial, about a new blouse, the way your hair is styled, your look on a particular day. Or they’re achievement based, like the report you handled with grace or the goal you scored in the game. Rarely are compliments given that target who you are and how someone sees you over a longer period of time. Those compliments give a glimpse into what you project into the world as a whole of your being, if maybe just to the one person.

It’s odd to get these types of comments, and it can almost be unsettling. Is that how other people see me? Should I be seeing this in myself? OH MY GOD, AM I A TOTALLY DUMB BIRD WHO JUST CELEBRATES ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND ISN’T REALISTIC ENOUGH TO TAKE STEPS TO AVOID MY BABIES BEING EATEN BY A SNAKE?? Breathe.

Every once in awhile, over the past 30 years, I’ve thought of this comment and cherished it. Maybe I could be a bird? If I believe in it enough, could it be? I have a lot happening in my life where I have been longing to feel a sense of escapism, but even more of letting go and of finally being myself.

Maybe remembering that someone once saw that determination in me is all I need.